There is a saying that if you are a runner it is only a matter of time before you find a dead body. When people are out and about things happen and bodies are found. I did not find a body but I have been out and about. My weekend started off with a bang when I got off a little early on Friday and decided to have a late lunch at Arby’s.
I was the only patron so the staff was conversing among themselves while I ate my buffalo chicken sliders. Their sliders are surprisingly good. The wing sauce is one of the best fast food sauces out there, but I digress. The subject of dogs came up. One employee was excited because she had just moved to a new apartment and she could finally get a dog. While talking about breeds she mentioned chihuahuas. Her co-worker then went into a graphic and very detailed story about how she had killed her chihuahua by accidentally slamming its head in a car door. She ended the story with, “I took his little body to the Humane Society, but I knewed he was dead because…” I’m going to omit the rest because you can’t just unhear or rather unread some things.
My youngest daughter had a birthday party to attend this weekend. Due to her age we had to stick around, instead of just dropping her off, so I had to get my chores done early on Saturday. I live near some quarries so dump trucks are a normal sight during my travels. While driving back from the grocery store a dump truck started weaving in and out of traffic. It was aggressively accelerating and slamming on the brakes. Frankly, I didn’t know a dump truck could perform like that. He was cutting through the traffic like he was driving a Civic. After a stoplight he was a few car lengths behind me. Suddenly he was next to me and then very suddenly he was about 3 inches from me. I had to slam on the brakes and jerk the wheel toward the ditch. My wheels squealed as they crossed the warning bumps and the dump truck took my place in the lane. I was able to keep it on the road and get back into my lane. I was shaking, trying to figure out what to do. When I was a little I knew a kid, peripherally, who maybe got in trouble or something for calling 911. I think the cops came to his house and he got a big ticket. Looking back I’m pretty sure it’s not true but I’ve been reluctant to call 911 ever since. Instead I took out my phone and took a picture with the plan to call the non-emergency number as soon as I wasn’t driving. My coffee maker broke that morning so, running low on caffeine, I stopped at little coffee shop. I ordered an iced black tea and stepped aside. Waiting behind me was a sheriff’s deputy, it’s funny how the universe works sometimes. He ordered an iced vanilla latte in case you were wondering.
After making it the rest of the way home without incident I calmed my nerves and put the groceries away. My wife and I then took the little one to her party. It was a fairly big party. It was all outdoors. The kids were running around the yard playing games and swimming in a small pool. It was boring as all get out. Most of the attendees were family and even though my wife and I were in the middle of a crowd, we were virtually alone. We just sat back, drank soda and watched the kids play and have fun. When they brought out the piñata the kids all lined up according to height. While waiting in line for a whack at the piñata I saw my daughter casually scratch her leg using her opposite foot. From across the yard I saw a dark streak left behind on her leg where she had itched. I assumed she had scratched her leg but it seemed like alot of blood. I got up out of my chair to approach her and after a couple steps the stench of dog feces wafted my way. I started looking from child to child and to my horror I noticed their feet were all smeared with crap. During the party prep the hosts busied themselves with beverages and various snacks while neglecting to clean up after their dogs. I readied some supplies and called my daughter over and cleaned her up before they had cake. I subtly made sure my daughter was the first to get cake and I kept her out of the grass for the rest of the party. I will be a miracle if no one gets E. coli.
After a weekend like that I’m hoping things quiet down for a little while. I don’t mind quiet. Actually, I kind of crave it.