I picked my eldest daughter up from school last week and as soon as I saw her I could tell something was wrong. I tried to ask her what was wrong but she just shook her head and refused to make eye contact. I was instantly worried. Horrible scenarios started playing themselves out in my mind. I pulled her close and we went to the car. As soon as her butt hit the seat she started bawling. She was straight-up ugly crying. Between sobs and gasps for air I was able to make out something about a dog. We haven’t gotten a new dog yet and she didn’t have any visible injuries so I was no longer on “high alert” but I was still curious to know what happened.
When we got home I was able to calm her down with a glass of water and a small snack and eventually she calmed to the point where she could tell me what happened. She was still upset so her story included alot of, “…and then…and then…and then,” but she told me they were studying advertising techniques in class. When they got to persuasive advertising they played, “This commercial with a woman singing about being in the arms of angels…and there were Shih tzus with no eyes…there were dogs missing ears…and the woman just kept singing…”
At this point my wife walked in and asked, “How was school today?” My daughter instantly burst into tears. My wife just looked at me like, “What did you do?”
We were able to calm her down and we told her about how when we were younger we would be watching some TV sit-com when the screen would darken for the commercial break only to be assaulted with, “In the arms of the…” It was terrible. I felt bad for her but I’d be lying if said I didn’t use that all weekend. Whenever she was acting up, I would just start singing, “In the arms of the ang…” I told you I am secretly a horrible person. On the upside, she cleaned her room, did a bunch of chores and emptied her piggy bank to collect $47 for the Humane Society. We are going out this weekend to buy supplies off their recommended donations list so she can see how she is helping.